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The Curriculum

Spam University offers a comprehensive and well-rounded educational experience for people from all over the world. Spam U graduates send out billions of spam emails every day of the year. You probably have a few dozen in your inbox right now!

Courses

Following is a partial list of courses offered at Spam University. Request a Spam U Catalog for a complete course listing (only $24.95).

• The History of Spam
  Required course. Gain a historical perspective on your chosen profession. For example, you'll learn that the term SPAM is actually an acronym for Stupid People Always Multiply (and that's a good thing).

• The Science of Writing Subject Lines
  Discover the secrets to writing successful subject lines, such as "Why Pay More?", Viagra 1/2 Off!", and the ever-popular "ÂÖåó ÇèóÌØáù Æб»ÛýÀ."

• Harvesting Email Addresses
  This course covers basic and advanced methods of email address harvesting, including Web sites and Usenet groups.

• Spam Buzzwords
  You can't be a spammer if you don't know the vocabulary. This course covers "must know" industry buzzwords such as direct email marketing, harvesting, bulk email, opt-in, privacy policy, free speech, list removal, partners (and partnering), e-commerce, and (of course), $$$$$.

• Covering Your Tracks
  Nobody wants their spam to be traceable. This course teaches you various ways to hide your identify and stay out of jail trouble.

• Spamming Ethics - Canceled
  Ethical issues facing spamming professionals.

• Porn Spam 101
  Learn how to promote your porn site using spam. One of our most popular courses.

• Porn Spam 202
  Learn how to promote your porn site with effective graphics (Porn 101 is a prerequisite).

• Avoiding Spam Filters
  Required course. Your spam is worthless if it's filtered out. (Remember: every 100,000 clients who filter out your spam costs you $0.02 in expenses!). Learn the professional techniques that ensure your spam will be seen by real human beings.

• Statistics For Spammers
  Learn how to calculate response rates. Requires a calculator that displays at least 16 decimal digits. If you don't know what a decimal digit is, you should not take this course.

• Political Spamming
  One of the fastest-growing categories of spam is political spam. This informative course examines political spamming techniques in detail. As you'll see, spammers and politicians have much in common.

• Body Part Enlargement
  Learn how to promote male "member" and female "boobie" enhancement products. One of our most popular courses.

• Using Viruses To Send Spam
  Learn how to use other people's computers to send your spam. Register early. This class will fill up quickly.

• Basic Accounting For Spammers
  In this course, you'll learn just enough accounting to keep the IRS off your back.

• Selling Pharmaceuticals Via Spam
  You'll learn how to write spam to sell tons of Viagra™, Xanax™, Valium™, Phentermine™, and Placebo™.

• Selling Loans By Using Spam
  Convincing people that they need a loan has always been a popular spam topic, and we're seeing a resurgence of interest, especially among those who are unemployed (former dot-com idiots) and have poor credit (former dot-com idiots). This course covers this topic in detail.

*Federal accreditation represents the highest form of globally accepted, legal and valid accreditation of a college or university, and the validity of awarded academic degrees. Spam University is accredited by the TEU, the GGFT, the AALRU, the PITGA, the NNHFCU, the AFFGU, the SGA, the PGA, and the NFL.