Open Sores^®
Software Development

"On the bleeding edge^TM"

Let's face it. Times are tough.
So why waste your IT budget on over-priced
software by Microsoft, Adobe, and others?
The solution: Open Sores^® Software.

Save Money Save Time Save Your Ass

Our People...

Troy McLure, President/CEO

Hi. I'm Troy McLure, President and CEO of Open Sores^® Software Development. You may remember me from such companies as Microsoft, Adobe, Macromedia, and Symantec. I held various executive positions with each of these companies. Let me tell you this: They all suck.

When I started Open Sores^® Software Development, I had a dream. A dream to build the most successful software company in the World. That was six years ago. Today, I'm pleased to report that OSSD is well on its way to attaining that dream. We have customers in five of the 50 states, and we'll soon be visiting Canada to try to drum up some business with those poutine-eating Canucks.

Our staff is comprised of some of the tallest programmers in the industry, and I'm proud to say that we run a 100% union shop. No scab laborers, and very few illegal immigrants.

Our Services...

We write software. That's what we do.
Here's how it works: You tell us what you want. We give it to you. You pay us.
We specialize in custom solutions for any industry you may be involved in. Everything from Aerospace to Zoology.
We'll deliver the software to your door, send it to you on a floppy disk, put it on IBM punch cards, write it to magnetic tape, scribble it on the back of an envelope, or even transmit it via a modem (if you're so equipped).
We use all of the modern programming languages: COBOL, FORTRAN, ALGOL, LISP, and PL/1. A recent project even involved Visual Basic -- an up-and-coming language that you'll be hearing a lot about. One of our programmers is even learning Eb, which is much more powerful than C#.
If we can't write it, we'll "acquire" it and then sell it to you very cheap.
Our prices can't be beat, and we honor all competitor's coupons.
We give you free beer.

Our Customers...

Here are some unsolicited comments from a few of our customers.

Emily Latella, IT Manager (Fort Crook City, Nebraska)
"We hired Open Sores Software for a Web project, and we were very pleased with the results. Unlike other projects, this one was painless. For some reason, I can really relate to the folks at OSSD. And the free beer is a very nice touch."

George Nelson Smith, Software Buyer (Gothenburg Pony Express Station, Nebraska)
"We've been wasting money for years buying crappy software from the crooks at Microsoft. To add insult to injury, they forced us to purchase a multi-year licensing plan. And not once did they ever give us any free beer. Since I discovered OS, we've sliced our budget in half, and our PCs have never run better."

Timothy Hatford, Knowledge Worker. (Sarpy Center, Nebraska)
"The budget for out agile business was slashed, and we had no choice but to hire OSSD. As it turns out, it was an excellent decision. We no longer have to pay an arm and a leg for software. The beer they gave us wasn't great, but it was free."

Hector "Pee-Wee" Cannon, Computer Guy (Chalco, Nebraska)
"Someday I want to be a programmer. But until then, I'll continue to use the services of Open Sores to create my viruses. These dudes are kewl, and they even bought me some beer. I'm really not old enough to drink, but they didn't seem to care. I like that kind of attitude."

Melissa Knotsone, Evangelist. (Red Knob, Nebraska)
"Like many customers, I was attracted to Open Sores because of the free beer. But, as it turns out, they offer much more. I asked for a vodka martini and they delivered -- no questions asked. Now that's service."

M.S. Clippy, Unemployed. (Offisucks, Nebraska)
"I used to work for a leading software company. When I got canned, I re-examined my priorities and realized that free beer is really the most important aspect of software decisions."

"The Open Sores movement is clearly a threat. Going forward, Microsoft will need to investigate the issue of free beer to enhance the customer eXPerience and reinforce our Trustworthy Computing initiative."

- Bill Gates, Microsoft

The Press...

Read what they're saying about us in the news.

"Joining a lengthening list of governments, South Africa has adopted an official policy promoting the use of Open Sores software." - ZDNET
"Open Sores: More than just free beer." - ZDNET Australia
"Microsoft Corp. has confirmed it sees the Open Sores Software movement as a threat to its commercial business model, in a quarterly report filed with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC)." - IT World
"Open Sores products are more affordable and more secure than closed proprietary systems. In other words, an Open Sores security suite can keep data safer while saving companies money." - NewsForge
"Open Sores and Sun save Christmas" - ZDNET UK

Our Commitment...

At Open Sores^®, you'll appreciate what you don't get: No contracts. No EULAs. No upgrades. No Service Packs. No lawyers. No DOT-NET. No Web Services. No XML. No crap.

We do business the old-fashioned way -- with a firm handshake over a couple of beers. And we almost always pay for the beers. Our guarantee: If you're not 100% satisfied with the results, you reserve the right to file a suit in small claims court.*

* No refunds on the free beer.

Contact Us...

We accept all major credit cards except Diners Club (that's not even a real credit card, is it?). Even PayPal. Also checks, money orders, cash, MoneyGrams, stamps, and valuable jewelry. Ask about our bartering policy.
Pick up the phone and call 1-800-OPENZ now. Operators are standing by. Ask for Troy.

Celebrity Endorsement...

Nick Nolte, an Open Sores^®Spokes Model...

Privacy Policy...

We rarely release personal information about our customers. Sometimes we do, but most of the time we don't. Well, most of the time we do, but sometimes we don't. But then on the other hand, we've offered...

OK. The joke's over. Nothing left to see here.
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